Good morning and welcome to the show. This is Shannon Wolf, the top zombie queen of the universe. I'm waving my plastic Taco Bell spork and screaming "MORE BRAINS!" Todays topic, Zombie Defecation… I.E. Do Zombies drop a load? So, I’ve been on a Zombie movie kick the past few days and seen more zombie flicks than I thought possible and a thought occurred to me. Zombies eat flesh/brains (whichever depending on the movie)… but what happens then? Does it just sit in their stomachs? If so, do they eventually explode from eating too much? (I doubt they get full… whoever heard of a full zombie? Lol.) So the question I think may be a valid one. Do Zombies drop a load? So, a Zombie Movie Critique for some of the lesser known Zombie flicks as well as a list of the Zombie movies I’ve watched over the past week… Resident Evil 1,2,3. – Love these movies and can’t wait for RE#4. Grade: A, A, A 28 days later – Awesome! Grade: A 28 Weeks later – Almost as awesome as the first. Grade: A
Zombie Holocaust – bad acting, horrible dialogue, horrible special effects, and as much plot and story line as a porn… done in the 80’s… no zombies until about halfway through the movie… WTH? Highlight of this movie is a blond that walks around naked in quite a few scenes(I have better breasts and am much better looking than she is), but that’s not enough to make me want to watch it again… ever. Grade: F-
The Stink of Flesh – Plot with no ending, bad acting, and dialogue… however a load of Zombie droppings and a guy shagging a zombie while she tries to eat his flesh is very bloody amusing. Not something I’d go out of my way to watch again but should it be on I probably wouldn’t turn it off simply because I would die laughing again at those scenes. Grade: F Clive Barkers, The Plague – excellently done movie in the style of “The village of the damned” decent dialogue, nice plot, decent acting. The plot is that all the worlds children younger that 9 suddenly go catatonic for ten years. Then they all come back pissed off and wanting to kill all the adults in gruesome zombie fashion. No flesh eating here though. They just want you dead. I would recommend this one to anyone who likes zombie movies or Village of the Damned type movies. Grade: C+ FrankenHooker – With a title like that do I really need to mention the bad acting, dialogue, excess of breasts (Can we say zombie nipples?) all in all though it’s very campy and very funny at times. Outside of “The Stink of Flesh” it’s the only movie off the top of my head where a zombie is shagged, although when this zombie shags, her clientel explodes... literally! Grade: C- Dead Heat – Campy 80’s movie with Joe Piscapo. Released in the 80’s as a mainstream movie I’ve seen this one many times and though looking like a cheap B flick, it’s one of the funnier Zombie movies I’ve ever seen. In a nutshell, two cops get killed and turned into zombies who then go hunt down the bad zombies as policezombies. Good effects, campy dialogue, and a decent plot. I’d recommend it. Grade: B Re-Animator – Again, campy 80’s horror that I find so very appealing. Was actually mainstream and gathered quite a following. Again, the zombies are simply mindless killers, no flesh eating. You have the evil Doctor who is turned into a zombie by the eviler doctor, while the brainless nincompoop doctor (who has unwittingly helped the eviler doctor and is now stuck for it) tries to save his girlfriend who spends a good portion of the end of the movie completely devoid of clothing, strapped spread eagle to an operating table and eventually ends up dead. Funny but shallow plot, decent acting, decent effects. Grade: B- Bride of Re-Animator – Apparently Re-Animator was funny enough to rate a sequel. (A lot of 80’s movies seemed worthy of that…) Most sequels don’t deserve to even exist from that time period. However, Bride of Re-Animator holds true to the form that it’s okay for some movies to have sequels. (at least they knew when to stop unlike Jason, Michael, Freddy, and Chucky…) Thankfully they didn’t make another but leaving like they did made it a good show. The Eviler doctor goes to prison where the prison doctor (also a brainless nincompoop like the first one) helps him with his work and eventually the entire prison is filled with rioting zombies, the nincompoop doctor learns the error of his ways when his fiancé is killed, and the eviler doctor escapes to make more zombies for another day. Grade: C Zombie Flesh Eaters – Made in the 70… the only Zombie movie I’ve seen where a zombie fights a shark underwater… The zombies are mysterious in their origins but come from a deserted island and typical of the trend started in the 70’s for horror movies and continues for the most part to this day… there are plenty of breast shots of women. The zombies are unintelligent in the fact that they are like most typical men… they always attack during sex or nude shots. Not the worst acting I’ve ever seen but close. The Über horrid disco 70s soundtrack that sounds more like someone hitting an organ keyboard with a dying cat than actual music. Decent enough SFX for the time period. Grade: D- Zombie Wars – This is a new one… intelligent zombies. Zombies take over the planet, the movie is set up 50 years after they take over and in that 50 years they would raise humans like cattle. As always they can only be killed by a shot to the head. Grade: C- Shatter Dead – Beyond horrible… A total waste of film. Horrible sound, horrible dialogue, horrible acting, ugly cast, and horrible plot. People that die and go on acting like they are alive. This movie is depressing. No one wants to eat flesh, and the main character is amazingly bloody depressing. A few scenes of nude zombies who are not pretty and our heroin who has no breasts to speak of and also isn’t very pretty. A zombie guy who can’t get it up and have sex with the heroin because he slit his wrists and now has no blood pressure. (No blood, no hard on.) I honestly don’t think there is a ranking for this movie… it’s that bad. Grade: F- to the tenth power bad. Gangs of the Dead – Gangbangers from two different gangs, two cops, and a warehouse. Bad dialogue, decent plot… this actually could have been a really good movie if they’d had a little more budget and a better dialogue. Nothing too special about the effects, and something I might watch again someday if bored. Grade: C Undead – OH MY GOD, HOW FUNNY! An Aussie Zombie movie with horrible dialogue, zombie fish and a backwater hillbilly who has more guns than Rambo and more matrix moves than Neo in the matrix as the hero. This is a B movie for sure, but fun to watch. Things like two zombies getting shot with a double barrel shotgun and then looking up as kitchen knives fall and imbed into their heads. What bloody zombie actually looks up to see knives falling? They’re dead for gods sake? A cop who can’t shoot his weapon, A pregnant woman who speaks in such dulcet tones that half the time only dogs and bats can hear her, and killer zombie fish. Honestly, I’m laughing my ass off. Favorite line: “Are you a fighter Fish Queen? Or are you Zombie food?” Highly recommend for anyone who likes Cheesy B movies. Grade: B+
Night of the Creeps – To be quite honest, this was an 80’s fav of mine. The original Slither so to speak. Space slugs that burrow into a persons brain and multiply inside. While gestating the people walk around dead and try to spit slugs into other peoples brains through the mouth. Fun and campy in a very 80’s way. The delicate girl the boy is protecting turns out to be one tough chica and as in all 80’s movies, you get the breast shot in the middle of the movie to assure you this wasn’t a complete waste of money. Still, campy and fun is good in my book. Grade: B- | 
